Relationships Archives - Integral Yoga® Magazine https://integralyogamagazine.org/category/relationships/ Serving the Yoga community for fifty years Sat, 05 Nov 2022 03:25:36 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.1 https://integralyogamagazine.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/cropped-INtegral-Yoga-Logo-512-1-32x32.png Relationships Archives - Integral Yoga® Magazine https://integralyogamagazine.org/category/relationships/ 32 32 147834895 “Healing Relationships” Online Training: Begins Nov. 30, 2022 https://integralyogamagazine.org/healing-relationships-online-training-begins-nov-30-2022/ Sat, 05 Nov 2022 03:25:36 +0000 https://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=15639 Sandra Susheela Gilbert, E-RYT 500, C-IAYT is offering a “Healing Relationships” Training for Yoga teachers from Nov. 30 – Dec. 17, 2022 via the Integral Yoga Institute of San Francisco. Healing Relationships specializes in recognizing the difference between intellectual knowledge and a deeper intuitive experiential understanding. This training is devoted to focusing on the primary […]

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]]> Sandra Susheela Gilbert, E-RYT 500, C-IAYT is offering a “Healing Relationships” Training for Yoga teachers from Nov. 30 – Dec. 17, 2022 via the Integral Yoga Institute of San Francisco. Healing Relationships specializes in recognizing the difference between intellectual knowledge and a deeper intuitive experiential understanding. This training is devoted to focusing on the primary importance of the healing relationship and human connection between therapist and client. Through lecture, practice and discussion, students will delve into the essential teaching of Yoga to acknowledge the individual client’s mind-body-spirit consciousness, while increasing awareness of one’s own deeper intuitive wisdom. This module will help develop, inform, and refine intuitive skills to support healing on a deeper level.

At the end of this course, students will be able to:

  • Define Healing vs. Curing
  • Identify the components of Therapeutic Relationship including ethical standards in the Yoga therapist/client relationship
  • Understand the foundations of Yoga teachings as a basis for creating the environment for healing
  • Demonstrating the use of the Yoga foundations in teaching
  • Be able to discuss healing at the end of life and during unique client challenges
  • Explore the students own experiences, challenges and self care practices in personal healing as they prepare as Yoga therapists
  • Understand the role of the Yoga therapist and scope of practice in professional relationships

Prerequisites

200-hour Yoga Teacher Training and one year of personal practice.

More info and registration here.

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]]> 15639 ​Compassionate Communication https://integralyogamagazine.org/compassionate-communication/ Fri, 06 May 2022 03:55:00 +0000 https://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=15326 If we pay attention to the world news, I think we can agree that our world is in dire need of more mindfulness, justice, and compassion. ​On an individual level, a deeply– entrenched sense of separation—​and the resulting insecurity—has given rise to so much mistrust and greed ​that we fail to experience the ground of being that […]

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Photo by Antenna on Unsplash

If we pay attention to the world news, I think we can agree that our world is in dire need of more mindfulness, justice, and compassion. ​On an individual level, a deeply– entrenched sense of separation—​and the resulting insecurity—has given rise to so much mistrust and greed ​that we fail to experience the ground of being that we all share. This dynamic, on the large scale of the world stage, has translated into tremendous suffering and great injustice​.

It’s understandable that many feel powerless to bring light into this foreboding darkness that overshadows our world today. Yet the spiritual teachings of many traditions inspire us to engage in the world rather than retreat from it. Many great beings have served as role models for us by taking one step at a time, with compassion and mindfulness, guided by the deeper understanding of our interdependence.

Some of our Integral Yoga Institute of San Francisco community members have decided to focus our energies in this direction as one way to practice compassionate communication. Communicating with genuine care for the well-being of another person is both practical and immediately applicable to our daily lives. We were inspired by a recent satsang offered by Reverend Kamala Itzel Hayward, who offered a number of concrete steps that we feel can open the doors to deep listening, and problem-solving with open hearts. Here are a few of the principles that we are practicing, some of which come directly from Marshall Rosenberg‘s teachings on Nonviolent Communication.

First, observe the tendency to interpret the facts, which can easily give rise to judgment, anger, or irrational conclusions. For example, we may find ourselves concluding that someone dislikes us when they give us critical feedback. In reality, such remarks may be a way of showing care and a genuine desire for us to grow. Instead of jumping to conclusions, a much better approach is to separate the actual facts from the assumptions we might make based on our past experience.

One thing to be aware of: the mind loves to create stories. The multi-billion dollar per year entertainment industry certainly supports what Yoga science has long known. If you really are unsure what someone’s motives might be, and you feel they would be open to speaking with you about your concerns, you could try the following:

  1. Ask the person if they would have time to talk to you.
  2. If they agree, you could frame your concerns in the following way: “I hope you can help me navigate an issue that’s arisen. I find that I’m telling myself the following story.” Then, proceed to describe what that story is in as neutral a way as possible adding, “And, before I jump to any conclusions I was hoping you could share your perspective with me about what I just shared.” This leaves the door open to hearing a different perspective or having your interpretation of events verified.

Secondly, when we disagree with someone, there can be a great benefit to reflecting on the needs that this person has. Instead of just focusing on their outward actions, it might make a considerable difference to be curious about the needs behind their point of view. One immediate benefit is that if we show genuine interest in their needs, we may quickly defuse a charged conversation with our intention to understand them in a deeper way. Then, if they can feel we are communicating with compassion in our hearts, they might also open their minds to hearing about our needs and perspectives.

Rev. Kamala told us about a friend of hers who had a potentially charged argument with someone who was in support of building a wall at the US-Mexican border. When Kamala‘s friend asked with compassion and curiosity about the need that this person had behind their support of the wall, the conversation shifted and the two found common ground in the basic need of wanting to protect their families. Once we can understand the need behind someone’s assertions, we are capable of relating to them from the heart instead of simply judging their point of view as wrong. We may be able to dialogue instead about alternative ways to fulfill that need instead of simply deciding they are wrong.

Thirdly, if we approach a disagreement with someone dead set on changing them or showing them where they are wrong, we are unlikely to succeed. Whereas if we can show a genuine concern and respect for their perspective, our dialogue is much more likely to find common ground.

It might sound much simpler and safer to simply avoid conflict and difficult conversations. But doing so may also mean compromising our commitment to practicing ahimsa (non-violence) and satya (truthfulness), as well as the intention to stand up for social justice.

Bringing compassion into a dialogue over polarized points of view has proven to be very powerful, especially when we look at the non-violent activism of Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., and Thich Nhat Hanh. Every one of us can make an effort to embark upon a pathway of mindful and open communication rather than judging someone’s point of view without understanding what’s behind it.

Rev. Kamala’s friend, Kathy Simons, suggests approaching potentially charged conversations by saying something like, “I think about this a little differently than you. I’d like to hear more about what you’re thinking and if you’re open to it, tell you more about my perspective.” Along with this kind of effort, it’s equally important that we have compassion for ourselves and discern when we are ready to engage in a difficult conversation or when we may be too upset to speak skillfully.

Each aspect of compassionate communication is supported and enhanced by a regular meditative practice that brings clarity and equanimity to the mind. A committed practice will gradually enable us to disengage from the ways our minds construct stories, leading us to define ourselves as separate, thus clinging to narrow perspectives. As we quiet the habitual thoughts that cloud our vision, we can experience a quiet Presence at the core of our being. As our understanding expands, we begin to experience the spiritual truth that each of us has that same essence-nature. Then, a natural flow of compassion for ourselves and each other can fully blossom.

About the Author:

Swami Ramananda is the president of the Integral Yoga Institute of San Francisco and a greatly respected master teacher in the Integral Yoga tradition, who has been practicing Yoga for more than 35 years. He offers practical methods for integrating the timeless teachings and practices of Yoga into daily life. He leads beginner, intermediate, and advanced-level Yoga Teacher Training programs in San Francisco and a variety of programs in many locations in the United States, Europe, and South America. Swami Ramananda trains Yoga teachers to carry Yoga into corporate, hospital, and medical settings and has taught mind/body wellness programs in many places. He is a founding board member of the Yoga Alliance, a national registry that supports and promotes Yoga teachers as professionals.

 

 

 

 

 

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]]> 15326 The Ultimate Growth Opportunity https://integralyogamagazine.org/the-ultimate-growth-opportunity/ Fri, 05 Nov 2021 03:32:05 +0000 https://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=15079 The most selfless person is the most selfish one because they don’t want to disturb their peace. In the beginning of your Yoga practice, you try to stay away from all the situations that would interfere with your goal. There is some selfishness in that. But by being selfish in that particular way, you will […]

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]]> The most selfless person is the most selfish one because they don’t want to disturb their peace. In the beginning of your Yoga practice, you try to stay away from all the situations that would interfere with your goal. There is some selfishness in that. But by being selfish in that particular way, you will eventually acquire a totally peaceful state of mind. And then, even without your knowing it, you become a completely selfless person—a person whose thoughts and actions are useful to others.

You don’t even need to serve anybody because nobody needs your service. If you serve others, it’s for your sake, for your spiritual growth. Others are really giving you an opportunity to clean up your ego. That’s why I explain to people who come to the Ashram, “You may think that you are serving the Ashram, but you are working on yourself.”

The world gives you an opportunity to learn, to grow. You are being given an opportunity to expand and to experience your inner tranquility. Having a partner can also be an opportunity for growth. Often we see people getting into relationships because of a physical attraction, which is only fleeting. The lasting relationship is a relationship between two people who come together for a spiritual purpose. Then each becomes a Divine mate.

If the purpose is for something different, then you only have a comfortable mate, a mate to give support, to take care of you, or to have a child with. This is fine but it can also become a relationship of business mates. You are giving something to get something. So it’s you who make the relationship a spiritual partnership or not, according to your approach.

Simply because a partner says, “I love you,” and you say, “I love you too,” you think God has brought you a divine mate. One has to reflect: Do, I really want to be with this person for a divine purpose? And a divine purpose means that you both want to experience permanent peace, which requires that you to clean your egos. Permanent peace can only be achieved by removing selfishness and self-centeredness. But if you depend solely on give and take—I do this for you so you will do this for me, then that is a business partnership. In a divine relationship, each of you has been given somebody to serve with pure love and selflessness. Marriage gives you an opportunity to give, give, give. You dedicate your life for the sake of at least one person to begin with. But don’t stop with that one person.

Until you found a partner you might have been living a very selfish life. Whatever you earned you spent on yourself. But the minute you are given a partner, then you have to buy for two. You begin to share and care.  Sharing and caring is only the first step. If you really want to make it a divine partnership, dedicate all you do to the partner. Ideally, both individuals should feel the same way. Each person should feel their main purpose is to serve their partner. It is that attitude that makes you a true spiritual partner.

That type of relationship means total giving. One should think, I see the divine in you and I give myself completely to you, whether you give back to me or not. Instead, if you are giving to get back that is just doing business. Real love is not business; it is one-way traffic—you just give, give, and give. That is when a relationship offers you the ultimate growth opportunity. And that is what you call living a truly selfless or divine life.

By Sri Swami Satchidananda

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]]> 15079 Fruit Ripens When Ready https://integralyogamagazine.org/fruit-ripens-when-ready/ Fri, 28 May 2021 18:33:56 +0000 https://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=14401 Sometimes one person is ready and the other is not. If you want to give to another, but do not yet feel ready, then don’t worry about it. If you are not ready, don’t give. Even a tree doesn’t want to give all the fruits until they are ripe. When the fruits are ready, the […]

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]]> Sometimes one person is ready and the other is not. If you want to give to another, but do not yet feel ready, then don’t worry about it. If you are not ready, don’t give. Even a tree doesn’t want to give all the fruits until they are ripe. When the fruits are ready, the tree doesn’t even give; the fruits just drop on their own. Learn about giving from nature. Even if you want a fruit and then pluck it by force the tree cries, Oh, I am not ready to give to you; you took it by force and hurt me. But if you would wait for a day or two, all you’d have to do is just touch the fruit and it comes into your hand. Even if you don’t touch it, it drops.

Like the tree, you are born to give when you are ready. So, each person in the relationship should be considerate and patient; each should know if they or ready and the potential partner is also ready. If someone wants you to be in a relationship before you are ready, then it is like they are trying to eating a raw fruit and not a ripe one. And, of course, that will be tasteless and they may even get a stomachache. When giving is just one-sided there’s no joy there because there’s no giving and taking. So the best thing is if you think somebody is going to try and force you to make a commitment before you are ready, put a fence around yourself until your fruit is ripe. Live in a protected environment until you are mature. Then like a strong tree, you will be able to freely give of yourself. You can apply this idea of protecting yourself to become stronger to anything and any relationship.

Someone once asked me how they could retain their peace while living in a city. I advised that if you lose your peace while living in that kind of environment you should just leave. Protecting your peace is more important. But, if you can retain your peace, don’t worry about whether you are in the city or the country; it doesn’t matter. If you are peaceful, you are peaceful wherever you are. If you are going to get disturbed in a particular environment then you have not found the real peace in you. If you are only peaceful because everything outside is going your way then that’s a borrowed peace. If you have found the true inner peace, you can be anywhere and you won’t ever lose it. Nobody can take it away from you.

You might feel peaceful and secure because you have a lot of money in the house, but if you are robbed then you will lose that so-called peace. That means your peace was dependent on something. Many times, we just say, “Oh, I want to be peaceful so I have to go into seclusion.” It’s okay, I don’t object to that. That is where you learn how to find your peace. But remember, when you go to a quiet place, you are not going there to get anything from that place. You are going there because that place reflects your own inner peace. At least while you are there, you can analyze: How is it that I feel so peaceful here? Where does it come from? There is nothing to disturb my peace, so I am naturally peaceful. This kind of temporary seclusion doesn’t give you peace, but it also doesn’t disturb your peace. Once you become strong, then you will be peaceful wherever you are.

By Sri Swami Satchidananda

 

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]]> 14401 Relationships or When Ahimsa Meets Satya https://integralyogamagazine.org/relationships-or-when-ahimsa-meets-satya/ Sat, 13 Feb 2021 06:04:34 +0000 https://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=13967 Interpersonal relationships can be challenging to navigate especially when trying to live our Yoga. Yoga’s first foundational limb is yama, which has five practices–the first being ahimsa or non-violence. In Episode 15 of the “Two Old Fogey Yogis” podcast, our two yogis explore how ahimsa is an important aspect of satya (truthfulness), the second yama, […]

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]]> Interpersonal relationships can be challenging to navigate especially when trying to live our Yoga. Yoga’s first foundational limb is yama, which has five practices–the first being ahimsa or non-violence. In Episode 15 of the “Two Old Fogey Yogis” podcast, our two yogis explore how ahimsa is an important aspect of satya (truthfulness), the second yama, especially when it comes to honesty in our relationships. Listen on Soundcloud, iTunes, Spotify & other podcast apps.

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]]> 13967 The Yoga of Relationships https://integralyogamagazine.org/the-yoga-of-relationships-2/ Sun, 03 Jan 2021 03:48:36 +0000 https://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=13800 During these challenging times, the stresses and strains on our relationships can take a toll. What does Yoga have to say about this? Swami Asokananda and Rev. Prem discuss relationships (with oneself & others), communication, and how to respond vs. react. Incorporating Yoga’s “Four Keys,” and Buddhisms “Four Immeasurables,” episode 9 of the “Two Old […]

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]]> During these challenging times, the stresses and strains on our relationships can take a toll. What does Yoga have to say about this? Swami Asokananda and Rev. Prem discuss relationships (with oneself & others), communication, and how to respond vs. react. Incorporating Yoga’s “Four Keys,” and Buddhisms “Four Immeasurables,” episode 9 of the “Two Old Fogey Yogis” podcast is a revelation! Listen on Soundcloud, iTunes, Spotify, Stitcher, iHeart Radio, Pandora or wherever you listen to podcasts.

This new podcast, featuring two of Integral Yoga’s respected elders: Swami Asokananda (president of the Integral Yoga Institute of New York) and Rev. Prem Anjali (editor of Integral Yoga Magazine) is a a fun and lively weekly convo on topics including meditation, Hatha Yoga, the various branches of classical Yoga, and each of their spiritual journeys. The podcast is hosted on Soundcloud and available wherever you listen to podcasts. Please follow, subscribe, like, and spread the word! Also, don’t miss the earlier episodes! New episodes released each Friday!

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]]> 13800 The One Thing Keeping Us Stuck When It’s Time to Let Go https://integralyogamagazine.org/the-one-thing-keeping-us-stuck-when-its-time-to-let-go/ Fri, 18 Dec 2020 07:10:25 +0000 https://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=13730 When we hear the term “let go,” we don’t always entirely comprehend it, as it isn’t always as simple as “mind over matter” and just releasing what we feel. Often, as much as we try to force ourselves to let go of the grip our past has on us, we end up back where we […]

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When we hear the term “let go,” we don’t always entirely comprehend it, as it isn’t always as simple as “mind over matter” and just releasing what we feel. Often, as much as we try to force ourselves to let go of the grip our past has on us, we end up back where we started, thinking, feeling, and sometimes even obsessing about a certain someone without fully knowing why or what to do about it.
There is one small word that holds an incredible amount of weight that can keep us plunged below the surface, making it difficult to freely move on. That little word, which contains huge meaning is: “hope.” Whether or not we are consciously aware of it when we feel unable to let go, it is because somewhere—hidden deep within—is a hopeful thought that causes our heart to be tied up and bound to someone we no longer have a healthy or mutual connection with. This person may be someone we once shared a relationship with, it might even be someone we are still in a relationship with, or could be a person with whom we shared a momentary spark that we feel is still burning away at the core of our heart.

It is my belief that the only reason we hold tight, rather than surrendering and freeing our hearts and minds, is that we believe that “if only a, b, or c happened, then everything would play out exactly as we envision it would, could, or should”—and to put it bluntly, this is usually delusional thinking. Basically, we hold ourselves prisoners to our own pain. We become our own source of suffering—and all the hours and energy we spend ruminating over the past are precious minutes and days that we fail to live in the present moment with what we have, rather than what has already disintegrated or what our imagination has conjured up.

Breaking an attachment that we have created to someone can be one of the most difficult (yet peaceful and freeing) experiences we will ever have; and yet, many of us put it off, as we believe that there is a glimmer of hope that our dreams can actually come true. We often hold hope and have undying faith that the person we have placed high up on a pedestal is capable of changing and becoming everything we want, need, and intensely desire. The cold, hard truth is that hope can be a beautiful feeling, but can also be destructive, as it can mean we pause our lives and remain trapped in a dysfunctional longing for something or someone that will never manifest in the way we want it to.

Letting go of those who have already gone is something that so many of us struggle with, as we feel as though once we’ve finally loosened our grasp, all our memories will diminish and the possibility of ever feeling that way again will be gone. Ironically, it is only when we are able to put the past behind us that we give ourselves the possibility and opportunity to feel deeply and genuinely about anyone again. Holding on causes so much tension and pain—and truly, all we do is break our own hearts, whereby it is so immensely healing to silently announce that we are ready to embrace the next chapter with our heart wide open, instead of filled with grief and sorrow from the past.

What we fail to realize is that sometimes it isn’t us planting the seeds of hope. Many people play mind games, or they don’t know what they want and desire, so they plant tiny grains by saying “sweet nothings” (words empty of meaning) and through actions deliberately expressed for their own validation and self-gain, rather than considering how their futile promises or insincere behavior affects us. This is why it is vital to listen closely to our intuition and to discern whether or not there is a realistic chance that things will play out the way our mind has meticulously planned. When we live in hope that a relationship or someone’s feelings toward us will do a 180 and suddenly be all we want again, we live in limbo, and all we are really doing is prolonging our heartache and pain, rather than facing up to our loss and processing it. In many ways, it is like breaking a toxic addiction, as we put it off day after day believing that the poison is manageable “for now.” So instead, we choose to deal with it some other day in the future, when we are feeling stronger and more able.

We may convince ourselves that there is valid reason for feeling hopeful, as we notice signs, synchronicities, and hidden meanings in words and expressions that wrongly confirm that we are right to halt our lives for this unrequited or unhealthy love. We may also only look at the positive aspects of the dynamic we are in, rather than being honest with ourselves and taking into account the amount of negative encounters we have that often paint a far bigger and more realistic picture of the “love story” we believe we are in. We might even fall into the trap of telling ourselves that the person we have poured so much emotion into is “the one”—a twin flame or soul mate—as a way of putting up with circumstances we would normally (with a clear head) run far from.

Our most powerful enemy when our heart aches is our thoughts. The mind not only plays tricks and paints illusions, but it also falls into a routine of obsessing over the same things that keep painful past experiences fresh in our mind. However, at any time, we have the ability to take control of our thoughts instead of being controlled by them. When we are fueled with hope and refusing to let go, we will look for any excuse to remain attached to how we feel, because in a roundabout way it is an avoidance tactic of facing the pain and grief of loss.

Plot twist: the pain and grief that comes with accepting a relationship is over will ease in time, whereas the ache and pain from holding on can continue to keep us hurting forever.

The key is to remember that pleasure and pain are part of our journey as human beings, and it is unrealistic to expect to sail through relationships without being emotionally affected in some way. When we reach a place of allowance and acceptance for our emotional responses and the pain we may endure, we soon arrive at a place of peace, as we are surrendering to the natural force of life, in which all emotions play a significant and healing part. Admitting to ourselves that we know hope is keeping us stuck—and that it’s time to untangle ourselves—is the biggest step we can take toward vital self-preservation. From there, we can take a series of smaller steps that will lead to obtaining and maintaining inner and outer peace, harmony, and emotional health.

Letting go can be terrifying, as there is always the risk that once we let go, something this good or this intense may not come our way again. However, holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be held only prolongs suffering and keeps us locked in a cycle where heavy emotions have the ability to make us feel inadequate and to inflict painful wounds over and again. We can easily become confused, thinking that letting go of the hope we hold means that we have to cut someone loose from our life, but it’s quite the opposite. Letting go and allowing unrealistic hope to fade can be the most loving, compassionate, and considerate thing we can do for ourselves. Sometimes, we subconsciously believe the pain we experience through holding on is keeping us connected to the person we love. It can almost feel as though we are being disloyal or turning our backs on the person we have lingering feelings for when we finally decide to sever the ties that keep us bound to them.

Letting go is less about attempting to rid ourselves of memories from the past, and more about finding comfort and peace in where we are now, even if this current place feels turbulent. It sounds like a contradiction to talk about peace and turbulence at the same time, but it is entirely possible. Something powerful happens when we loosen our grip and relinquish the need to control or force a relationship to go where it isn’t ready to go. Our fear of loss is replaced with an immense belief and faith in ourselves—and also the person we are letting go of. We send a strong spiritual signal to the universe that we trust in our ability to deal with what is and what isn’t meant for us—as well as trusting the other person to make choices that align fully with what they want for their life.

As we open up this channel, fresh new energy flushes in, and with it arrives possibilities that we wouldn’t have noticed before. All our energy was so caught up in holding on to the past that it was blocking us from anything new beginning in our future. In a way, letting go is like using the ancient art of feng shui, sweeping out negative energy so that positive energy can flow in. Love cannot be trapped; it requires space and freedom. The highest form of love is to continue loving despite circumstances not turning out as we might have hoped, dreamed, or wished for. All we need to do is vulnerably love and accept the other person as they are, whether near or far.

Sometimes, the bravest and most courageous thing we can do is to resist the temptation to cling—and instead, gently and gracefully let all our hope, attachments, and unrealistic expectations toward this person go.

About the Author:
Alex Myles is a qualified Yoga and Tibetan meditation teacher, Reiki Master, spiritual coach and also the author of An Empath, a newly published book that explains various aspects of existing as a highly sensitive person. Her greatest loves are books, poetry, writing and philosophy. She is a curious, inquisitive, deep thinking, intensely feeling, otherworldly intuitive being who lives for signs, synchronicities and serendipities. Inspired and influenced by Carl Jung, Nikola Tesla, Anaïs Nin and Paulo Coelho, she has a deep yearning to discover many of the answers that seem to have been hidden or forgotten in today’s world. Connect with her on Facebook.  (Reprinted from Elephant Journal)

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]]> 13730 How to Experience Joy in Life and Love Passionately https://integralyogamagazine.org/how-to-experience-joy-in-life-and-love-passionately/ Fri, 02 Aug 2019 04:03:31 +0000 http://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=12262 How can you experience joy in life and love passionately if you are practicing non-attachment? The best way to enjoy life, if you really want to enjoy life, is not to have any attachment to anything.  Attachment never brings you permanent joy. It may begin with a little pleasure, but it ends up with more […]

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]]> How can you experience joy in life and love passionately if you are practicing non-attachment? The best way to enjoy life, if you really want to enjoy life, is not to have any attachment to anything.  Attachment never brings you permanent joy. It may begin with a little pleasure, but it ends up with more pain. Attachment can never, never, never bring you joy. The one who knows how to enjoy the world, is the one who is not attached to anything. But, if you want to learn the lessons, then get attached to something. Enjoy the pleasure in the beginning, and then face the pain later on. That’s how you learn to not to be attached. That’s the best way to learn.

And don’t think that a person who lives in the spirit of non‑attachment, doesn’t enjoy anything, or that he or she simply sits like a sleepy person, doing nothing. In fact, when you don’t have any attachment, you can function even better. A karma yogi can do a better job than a karmi. Why? Because a karmi does something looking for the return. While working, he or she will always be watching the time. With attachment, you cannot function wholeheartedly. You are just doing business. You are thinking of your reward first, and the work afterward. But with non‑attachment, you don’t worry about such things. The best result for anything you do, is your own joy of doing it; not the reward that you get, the pay you get, or the return you will see. The real joy is, I have done my job beautifully, happily. Nobody and nothing can give you that reward. You have to get it yourself.

From a certain perspective, those who are practicing non‑attachment are the people with a lot of attachment. What is that attachment? They are attached to their peace of mind. They will never do anything to disturb their peace. Though it looks like selflessness, it’s a sort of selfishness when you think, I don’t want to lose my peace. But, there’s nothing wrong in that kind of selfishness. Why is that? Because by being selfish, and becoming peaceful, everyone and everything will be benefited by your life. So, it’s all right to be a little selfish in that way and non‑attachment is also like that.

Real love, and attachment are very, very different. They look the same but they are poles apart. There is no selfishness behind love. You just love for the joy of loving. You don’t look for anything in return. You don’t even look for the love to return to you. You don’t look at the girl and say, “Honey, I love you,” and then continue looking at her face, waiting for her to say, “Darling, I love you too.” That’s business, not love. That is attachment. You are loving somebody to get love; you are attached to your result: I did this, I must get that.

Pure love is just one way traffic. It knows only to give. It doesn’t look anything in return. And it is that kind of love you see in the entire nature. You don’t have to go and read books. Look at anything in nature; they all know only giving. A blade of grass gives. A rosebush gives. A banana tree gives. A mango tree gives. A cow gives. A goat gives. A fish gives. They don’t wait to grab something from you, no. They are all living to give—even inanimate things. A stone gives. Fallen leaves give nutrition to the root. A candle gives light while dying itself; it melts, losing its life, but in that process, it gives light. It doesn’t look for anything in return. The rain, sun, and moon all give. Fresh air gives. You inhale, burn it, kill it, and finally push it out as carbon dioxide.

And that is the very reason why all these scriptures—the Bible, Bhagavad Gita, Torah, Dhammapada—are all written only for human beings. Nothing else in nature needs that lesson. It is the human beings who have to be reminded to live a sacrificial life, a dedicated life.

Attachment to the result of your action, or the fruit of your action is what you call the forbidden fruit. In the Bible, the very first, beautiful advice that was given to the first man by God, was this: Please do not eat the fruit. Don’t be attached to the fruits of your actions. Anything that you do with an expectation, even wanting a mere thank you, will keep you bound. If you expect a thank you and don’t receive it you may call the person a barbarian, uncultured. But who is the real uncultured one? Looking for the result of your action makes you a barbarian, uncultured. And that is what you call attachment. I did this and I want something in return. I must get it! Even a smile, a pat on the shoulder, a thank you, some kind of acknowledgment. How often we ruin our lives just for this acknowledgment. I have been working in my department for the past three months. This guy never even came to me and said, ‘Yes, you are doing a fine job.’ What am I doing here?

If somebody has to come and say, “Beautiful, you are doing a great job,” then you are a servant, a slave. The greatest joy is when you do things and when you love people simply for the joy of doing, of giving. And only a person who is not attached to anything can experience that joy.

By Sri Swami Satchidananda

The post How to Experience Joy in Life and Love Passionately appeared first on Integral Yoga® Magazine.

]]> 12262 Patanjali’s Words: The Four Keys https://integralyogamagazine.org/patanjalis-words-the-four-keys/ Thu, 21 Mar 2019 23:34:09 +0000 http://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=11922 Rev. Jaganath, Integral Yoga Minister and Raja Yoga master teacher, has spent a lifetime delving into the deepest layers of meaning in Patanjali’s words within the Yoga Sutras. Our series continues with the 33rd sutra of Chapter 1. This is a key sutra taught by Swami Satchidananda (and one he encouraged all his students to […]

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]]> Rev. Jaganath, Integral Yoga Minister and Raja Yoga master teacher, has spent a lifetime delving into the deepest layers of meaning in Patanjali’s words within the Yoga Sutras. Our series continues with the 33rd sutra of Chapter 1. This is a key sutra taught by Swami Satchidananda (and one he encouraged all his students to memorize) as a guideline for how to cultivate and navigate  yogic relationships based on the principles and practices of classical Patanjala (Raja) Yoga. Sri Swamiji stressed that this sutra is like having 4 master keys to open the 4 locks to creating healthy interpersonal relationships that support maintaining one’s equanimity.

Sutra 1.33: maitrī-karuṇā-muditā-upekṣānām sukha- duḥkha-puṇya-apuṇya-viṣayāṇām bhāvanātaś citta-prasādanam

By cultivating attitudes of friendliness toward the happy, compassion for the unhappy, delight in the virtuous, and disregard toward the wicked, the mind-stuff retains its undisturbed calmness (Swami Satchidananda translation). The mind becomes calm, clear, and bright when it cultivates and abides in the unconditional virtues of friendliness, compassion, delight, and equanimity in conditions, respectively, of happiness, distress, virtue, and absence of virtue (Rev. Jaganath translation).

 Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud. —Maya Angelou

This sutra is not just specific techniques to be deployed in situations of happiness, unhappiness, virtue and nonvirtue. More importantly, it is about cultivating an intimate relationship with friendliness, compassion, delight, and equanimity.

The focus is on practice and lifestyle rather than belief. Belief is a matter of accepting ideas. Practice and lifestyle are about self-transformation and direct experience of realities of life and Spirit. We see this here and in other sutras, such as 2.1 and 2.29.

We have come to understand faith traditions as emphasizing belief. Yoga, and all deep spirituality emphasizes practice. How we behave is much more important than what we believe. This is one reason why so much attention is given to this sutra in this text.

maitrī = friendliness; friendship, benevolence, good will, close contact or union, equality, similarity, a feeling of approval or support
from mid = to love, feel affection, to melt, to adhere

The main idea is to cultivate a mindset that projects, and is led by, friendliness in   situations and people where happiness is perceived. Ultimately, it is about making friends with happiness, training the mind to recognize it wherever and in whomever it expresses.

In Buddhism, maitri is often translated as lovingkindness.

karuṇā = compassion; mercy, pity, mournful, lamenting, in the Rig Veda, karunā is considered a holy work or action
From kṛ = to do, or kṛ = to pour out, scatter

Karuna, compassion, is the deep hope that the suffering of others will be reduced. It’s not only a nice sentiment. Compassion is a powerful generator of a clear, focused, peaceful mind that naturally leads to selfless actions performed for the benefit of others. Science has recently affirmed that the happiness that is innate in giving is greater than the happiness derived from receiving.

Compassion is always associated with some sort of action. It’s not just feeling pity or empathy. But, to act, to reach out in compassion to someone who is suffering, can be difficult when confronting a person who we have issues with, who we might not like, or who has hurt us or those we love. That is why for the full transforming power of compassion to manifest, forgiveness is necessary.

 Reflection

We need to extend forgiveness to ourselves as well. We need to extend our compassion to our own shortcomings and mistakes. The danger is that if we can’t forgive and extend compassion to ourselves, the darker sides of who we are retreat to ever more deeply hidden recesses of the mind, only to come back with redoubled force. The need for forgiveness also applies to mudita (below). How can we delight in a virtue we see in someone we have issues with? In fact, without the ability to forgive, we might miss perceiving the virtue altogether. Let’s take a closer look at forgiveness. We can understand forgiveness as the restoration of belonging in a relationship. We argue, feel a break or fracture (minor, middling, or great) in a relationship. The sense of trust and belonging is damaged. When forgiveness arrives, the sense of belonging is restored. What about the guilt we carry for past wrongdoings? So many of us are in need of  being forgiven. The fracture caused by guilt or believing that we are not good enough in some way can be so deep that virtually no one we know can heal it with their forgiveness and acceptance of who we are.

Sacred wisdom teaches that consciousness, Spirit, Purusha, is omnipresent. We also read in the Sutras that nature exists to give us experiences that lead to liberation. Put together, these truths lead us to a vital and true conclusion: we belong. We are children of the universe here for a purpose and to grow and find our spiritual freedom. We belong. We don’t need to ask the universe or God for forgiveness. We are already forgiven because we belong to God, to the universe, to life. We are participants in the dance of life, not just observers. We belong.

When we ask God, Guru, or others for forgiveness, it is for the sake of experiencing a restoration of the feeling of belonging in the relationship. Asking for forgiveness opens our hearts and makes us vulnerable to the forgiveness that was, is, and always will be ours.

A final thought regarding forgiveness. Life can be hard. So many changes and unwelcome and unexpected challenges arise. We can see arrayed before us every manner of injustice and unexplainable atrocities. Yet, if we can’t embrace all of life, we can never know its essence and source. We are caught in a thought habit of: “If it doesn’t make sense to me, then it is senseless.” How can a God that “allows” all these terrible events be wise, loving, and merciful? We can’t understand it. This amounts to seeking a God that is just a tiny bit less intelligent than we are, a God we can understand with our limited intellect. This is a  symptom of believing that we should and can control life or God by our thoughts, words, and deeds. It never works. What are we to do? One way to begin is by forgiving God for not living up to your standards. The absurdity of this practice helps reconcile us to the ways and wisdom of life. We are released from     the need to be in control of everything and, in a healthy way—that is not resignation—surrender to universal, cosmic Life, Truth, and Love, and Light. The answer to some questions just have to be lived out. The question of the sense or senselessness of life is one of them.

muditā = delight; happiness, gladness, joy with others
from mud = be merry, glad, happy, rejoice, delight in, sympathetic joy, a kind of sexual embrace, happiness at another’s success, a particular kind of servant

Mudita is the happiness that comes from expanding our vision of life and our concerns to include caring about and working for the happiness and welfare of others. When we extend our goals and desires to include caring for the welfare of others, we experience an expansion of joy. Mudita is also happiness connected to a view of life that anticipates, even perceives, the beauty, benefit, and inherent rightness of an object or event even before those benefits have fully emerged. It’s not a simple state of optimism, but an enhanced or expanded vision of life that experiences the harmony behind (and as the motive force of) all events and objects. For example, it is like appreciating a flower before it reaches its full bloom—before it manifests its colorful petals and releases its fragrance. Mudita requires faith, knowledge, and a more refined ability of perception. Mudita counters distrust, suspicion, and the tendency to reject happiness from things that are short-lived, a “What’s the point? It will only last for a moment” attitude.

The practice of mudita lifts the heart out of its anxieties over not having enough of what we think we need to be happy and secure. The heart, unburdened by these concerns, discovers new and greater gratitude and a powerful natural inclination toward generosity.

Mudita should not be mistaken for the excited state that many regard as happiness. Mudita is grounded in peace and faith. Mudita is born in a selfless, grateful, giving heart that desires and works for the welfare of others. Mudita rejects jealousy and envy. It seeks to break down all artificial barriers that separate us from each other and nature. It rejoices in the good fortune and happiness of all. Mudita is an eagerness and ability to support the joy and expanding spirit of others. The Buddha taught that one of our challenges is to cultivate mudita even in a world full of misery. There may be no more powerful practice in Yoga than mudita.

upekṣānām = equanimity; the act of disregarding, overlooking, indifference, not doing, omission, care, circumspection
from upa = to go near, towards + ikṣā = to look at or on

Look at the roots of the word. We could literally translate upeksha as, going  near to look at. This give us the key to cultivating upeksha. When confronted with any nonvirtue, yogis are asked, to not turn away, to not jump to conclusions (a technique of avoidance of discomfort), but to remain clear, focused, and centered in order to correctly perceive the event and its ramifications. Clear perception and a tranquil mind also foster creative solutions where none were apparent before.

Upeksha strengthens our capacity to accept life as it is, allowing us to work with and not against inevitable change. It allows us to accept that nonvirtue exists, has a course, and may have roots and impacts on many levels. It is a state of mind that is not  overwhelmed by ignorance, selfish egoism, dullness, agitation, hatred, or greed. Upeksha helps us to serenely accept loss and gain, praise and blame, sorrow and happiness. Because of this, upeksha helps overcome fear. Upeksha accepts with equanimity (not with resentment or reluctance) that all people have shortcomings and make mistakes. It helps us avoid condemning others. Instead, we come to rightly perceive, accept, and love others in their entirety, faults and all. We come to embrace all people regardless of their beliefs, behavior, or origin.

Through upeksha, we come to see how our own thoughts, words, and deeds may have contributed to hardships, tensions, and other nonvirtuous situations. This helps develop compassion. Upeksha replaces both an overly sentimental and an overly pessimistic view view of life with a powerful insight: All thoughts, words, and deeds, all events, have “side effects.” Some are obviously pleasant and beneficial, some cause hardship and troubles. Yet, somehow, they have a purpose.

Since we can’t eliminate or avoid negative situations and people, upeksha teaches us the limits of self effort. This helps cultivate humility, which softens the grip of the selfish ego on the mind, which in turn, helps cultivate:

  • Forgiveness
  • Gratitude
  • Cooperation
  • Generosity

Upeksha helps open the heart. The spiritual heart is a sensitive organ. It is the  home of the Self, the Divine within. It is powerful, yet it closes easily to avoid getting hurt. The equanimity and fearlessness generated by upeksha encourages the heart to open. Upeksha is also the remedy for resentment. There can be no joy where there is resentment. Resentment is a reaction; a feeling of hostility or anger that arises as a result of a real or imagined wrong done. It is from the Latin, sentire, to feel. Re is an intensifier that also means to return. Resentment is an injured ego striking out in anger. Upeksha teaches us to stand firm in our center, knowing who we really are. Who we are is not determined by what others think of us or how we are treated. Although we should attentively and sincerely listen to the criticisms and observations others have of us, we need to develop an inner sense of who we are. Knowing that we are living a virtuous life as best we can, engaging in practices that uplift us and bring us ever closer to our source and essence helps a lot. When viewed from this vantage point, and armed with compassion, discernment, and inner tranquility, instances that once caused resentment lose their power to disturb our inner peace.

In Buddhism, upeksha means to discern clearly; to view justly. It is one of the most important virtues. It is a state of neither excitement nor suffering, but is independent of both. It arises in a mind that is in equilibrium and that  transcends all distinctions. It is considered one of the seven factors of enlightenment.

We can also think of upeksha as having the attitude of a scientist, a mind bent  on discovering realities not readily discernable. When yogis confront any  unpleasantness, they don’t shrink from it. Instead, they examine it, looking for its roots and ramifications.

 sukha = happiness; running swiftly or easily (applied to cars or chariot), easy, pleasant (rarely with this meaning in the Vedas), agreeable, gentle, mild, comfortable, prosperous, virtuous, pious, the sky, heaven,    In Hindu mythology, sukha is the child of dharma (righteousness) and siddhi (accomplishment, perfection, power). (See 1.33, 2.5, 2.7, 2.42, 2.46)
from su = well, good, fine + kha = axle hole, state

The intent of cultivating friendliness toward the happy is, of course, to extend our compassion and energies to those who are experiencing happiness, but there is another level of benefit suggested here. It is to help heal any sense of envy or separation with those who are experiencing the smooth ride (sukha) as   opposed to duhkha in their lives. The healing of what separates us (gender, religion, race, etc.) is central to every faith tradition.

The yogi is asked to generate the attitude of happiness regardless of the source of happiness. There are essentially two paths we can take to experience happiness. First, and the one we are most familiar with, is the attempt at lining up pleasurable experiences as tightly as possible with the hope of shutting out disappointments and preventing anxieties from creeping in and spoiling our happiness. The happiness we experience from this way of generating sukha is a fleeting form of happiness. Its roots are not deep and are very susceptible to damage.

The second source of sukha is within and is intrinsic to our nature. It is like an underground river of joy that flows regardless of our state of mind and external circumstances. Because of its special nature, it is often called joy or bliss, rather than happiness. The mind may be suffering, but bliss, a river that flows deeply within the heart, is unaffected. This means that it is possible to know joy beneath and beyond challenge and hardship. The joy we experience is far more vast and will feel more real and true than our sadness or anxiety.

Furthermore, we shouldn’t limit our understanding of bliss to being a personal possession. It is not stored in the mind like a gift in a box. It is a mighty river that flows in, around, and through us. It is experienced in a tranquil mind and loving heart. It is a peculiar joy that cannot be taken away because it has no cause. It just is. It is a manifestation of our True Nature.

duḥkha = distress; uneasy, uncomfortable, unpleasant, difficult, pain, sorrow, trouble, to cause or feel pain, discontent, anxiety, stress, a persistent background of dissatisfaction
from duṣ = prefix implying evil, bad, difficult, hard, slight, inferior + kha = axle-hole  (Refer to 1.31 for more on duhkha.)

puṇya = virtue; merit, righteousness, goodness, auspicious, deserved reward, to earn or deserve, right,  pleasant, purity, holy, propitious, fair, virtuous, sacred, moral or religious merit
from puṇ = to act piously or virtuously, to collect or accumulate, or pu = cleansing, purifying, to make clean and bright, to purge, clarify, illumine, or puṣ = thrive, cause to prosper + ya = from

Punya, virtue, is always understood in the context of thoughts, words, and deeds that are for the benefit of others. Virtue is that which brings the greatest happiness to the greatest number of beings. As such, virtues are not simply rules or codes of conduct, they are ways of perceiving and being, qualities that are integrated into one’s heart and mind that help foster the well-being and happiness of all beings.

Note that the word root of punya means to thrive; to cause to prosper. Virtue is not about ideas of holiness that the mind has constructed. Virtue is anything that brings harmony, that breaks down artificial barriers that separate us—it is about anything that fosters lovingkindness.

apuṇya = absence of virtue; impure, wicked  (See puṇya, above and 1.33, 2.14)

The opposite of virtue, strictly speaking, is not evil or wickedness in Patanjali’s text. Punya = virtue; apunya = the absence of virtue. It’s like darkness. Darkness isn’t a thing, but the absence of something—light. Therefore, we can understand nonvirtue as a state of mind and being that ignores the unhappiness and suffering of others. A state of inner darkness also allows someone to engage in thoughts, words, and deeds that bring harm to others.

viṣayāṇām = conditions; sphere of influence or activity, dominion, kingdom, territory, region, district, country, abode, scope, compass, horizon, range, the reach (of ears, eyes, mind), period of duration, fitness, toward (experiences of)

viṣayā = an object of senses, anything perceptible by the senses, any object of   affection or  concern or attention, any special worldly object or aim or matter or business, sensual enjoyments, sensuality, an object, a fit or suitable object, the subject of an argument, category, the subject of comparison, a religious obligation or observance, a lover, husband, virile, auspicious, propitious, fair, pleasant, good, right, virtuous, meritorious, pure, holy, sacred, good work, moral or religious merit, religious ceremony (esp. by a wife to retain her husband’s affection and to obtain a son)
from viṣ = to act or from vi = asunder, away + si = to extend

bhāvanātaḥ = cultivate; to project
from bhāvanā = demonstration, argument, ascertainment, feeling of devotion, faith in, reflection, contemplation, infusion, steeping, finding by combination or composition, from

bhū = to become (See 1.28, 2.2, 2.33, 2.34, 4.25)

Bhavanatah suggests the place where anything is produced, gives birth, and grows. It is related to bhavana, a state of being or mind, abode, home, site, receptacle, and to bhava, being, nature, disposition, feeling (this last definition is mostly found in Bhakti Yoga). Home is where you have comfort, support, and safety. Birth implies emergence. The virtues listed in this sutra need to be birthed, and nurtured by contemplation and reinforced by action until they become our foundation, innate qualities of our inner spiritual home.

citta = mind; consciousness, field of consciousness  (See 1.2)

 prasādanam = calm, clear, bright; rendering clear, soothing, cheering, gratifying, rendering gracious, tranquility, grace, a gift from God, to be satisfied (the opposite of duḥkha), to be kind, gracious  (See 1.33, 1.47)
from pra = before, forward + sādana = to cause to settle down, offer, grace, from sad = to sit, dwell

Reflection

This sutra, beautifully called the Four Locks and Four Keys by my Master, Sri Swami Satchidananda, presents the same principles known as the Brahma Viharas in Buddhism.

Vihara translates as a place of rest and peace. It is also the term for temple and monastery and the residence of monks, a place where they can go for meditation.

Definitions of brahma include: holy, relating to sacred knowledge, that which is  divine, Supreme Spirit, the absolute. The suggestion is that these principles offer a place to find peace, clarity, knowledge, and wisdom.

In Mahayana Buddhism, these teachings, also known as the Four Immeasurables, are regarded as perfect virtues. Their practice is required in order to help bring all beings to liberation. They are to be meditated on in the following manner:

The meditator generates these mindsets to all beings in all directions:

  • Limitless lovingkindness
  • Limitless compassion
  • Limitless sympathetic joy
  • Limitless equanimity

Here are two examples of using the locks and keys as the focus of a meditation practice from the Buddhist tradition:

1) Sit with a mind filled with compassion, kindness, sympathetic joy, and  equanimity. Radiate these virtues, first in one direction, then a second, then a third, then a fourth, above as well as below, and all around and feeling connected with everything everywhere. Fill the whole world with kindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity. Let your mind be expansive, serene, unconfined, and free from malice and resentment.

2) These four virtues should be practiced by taking each one in turn and applying it to oneself, then to others nearby, and so on to everybody in the world, and to everybody in all universes.

 

About the Author:

Reverend Jaganath Carrera is and Integral Yoga Minister and the founder/spiritual head of Yoga Life Society. He is a direct disciple of world renowned Yoga master and leader in the interfaith movement, Sri Swami Satchidananda—the founder and spiritual guide of Satchidananda Ashram–Yogaville and Integral Yoga International. Rev. Jaganath has taught at universities, prisons, Yoga centers, and interfaith programs both in the USA and abroad. He was a principal instructor of both Hatha and Raja Yoga for the Integral Yoga Teacher Training Certification Programs for over twenty years and co-wrote the training manual used for that course. He established the Integral Yoga Ministry and developed the highly regarded Integral Yoga Meditation and Raja Yoga Teacher Training Certification programs. He served for eight years as chief administrator of Satchidananda Ashram–Yogaville and founded the Integral Yoga Institute of New Brunswick, NJ. He is also a spiritual advisor and visiting lecturer on Hinduism for the One Spirit Seminary in New York City. Reverend Jaganath is the author of Inside the Yoga Sutras: A Sourcebook for the Study and Practice of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, published by Integral Yoga Publications. His latest book, Patanjali’s Words, is coming soon from Integral Yoga Publications.

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]]> 11922 The Difference Between Spiritual Love and Personal Love https://integralyogamagazine.org/the-difference-between-spiritual-love-and-personal-love/ Fri, 15 Mar 2019 22:47:00 +0000 http://integralyogamagazine.org/?p=11907 Divine love is the affection shown toward the spirit of the individual. Personal love is the love that is shown toward the body, or the mind and its characteristics, or, the person’s belongings; anything that is materially-based. Even though there is spirit in each and every individual, the individual is called an individual, because of […]

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]]>

Artwork by Elena Khomoutova.

Divine love is the affection shown toward the spirit of the individual. Personal love is the love that is shown toward the body, or the mind and its characteristics, or, the person’s belongings; anything that is materially-based. Even though there is spirit in each and every individual, the individual is called an individual, because of all the features that are separate from the other person. Spirit is the same in quality and quantity in every individual. So there is no individual quality in the spirit, but temporarily, the spirit seems to be divided into separate entities, which you label as a person. This division is only in the mind and the body.

A good analogy is when you take a few different kinds of containers to a water source, such as a lake, and you fill the containers with water. The water takes the shape of each container. The water in the pot will be called pot water. Water in a cup will be called cup water. But once the containers are broken, the water again becomes mixed up together and it is the same original water. The very same analogy is given in the Upanishads, using the idea of akasha. There is no proper translation in English for akasha. Some people call it ether. Or, for the sake of understanding you can call it air. There is the maha akasha and the ghata akasha. Maha means great, universal. Ghata means the pot. The air inside the pot is called the pot air. Outside the pot, it is called the natural air. The air is either called the outside universal air, or the air in the pot. If not for the container, the air in the pot will not get the name of pot air. The same is true with the water. Likewise, the spirit is cosmic, universal, and unlimited. It has no particular form or particular individuality, but because of the container of the body, the spirit gets a name and a form. So you say, “his spirit” or “her spirit,” but otherwise, in quality, the spirts are the same. If you love that spirit as your own, because that spirit is not different from your spirit, then that love is called universal love, or divine love.

This is what is meant in the Bible when you are asked to “Love your neighbor as your own self.” And that is possible only when you know that you are the Self and you are not Mr. or Ms. So and So. Those identities all belong to the body and mind—Mr. Universe, Miss India, Miss Universe. When you miss the universe you will see God. That is because if you see God as God, then the universe is not there. If you see the universe, then God is not there. But, they are really one and the same.

This can be explained better by a Tamil saying: “Within the wood is hidden the great elephant. Within the great elephant is hidden the wood.” It is referring to a wooden carving of an elephant. The wood and the elephant are not different. But what you see depends on how you look at it.

The same is true of the universe and God. God is not different from the world. All the world and its contents make up God. Otherwise, you cannot say God is omnipresent. God must be present in everything, even a small blade of grass. So, that means God has become the world, the universe. If you see God, then you don’t see the universe, and if you see the universe, then you don’t see God. But there is a certain state where you can see God and the universe simultaneously. But that means that you know the truth and you know the manifestation. Then you can see both at same time.

Likewise, you can love the spirit and the individual at the same time. Loving only the individual and forgetting the spirit is dangerous. But there is no danger in forgetting the individual and loving the spirit. Because the individuals are the parts, or are the containers, of the spirit that always change. Your love should not be based on the container, on the body, or on the character of the individual, because nobody will have the same character always. As soon as he gets up in the morning, you see him as good natured. But when he comes back after an evening out at a club, he is a different person; you can’t love him. You may love him in the morning and hate him in the evening.

We can have our personal love, but we should not rely on that. That’s why there is a proverb that says: The husband should love the wife not for the sake of the wife but for the sake of the Self in the wife. And vice-versa. If their love is based on the spirit, or the soul, they will live in love for a long time. That is what is called divine love, or universal love. We should slowly learn to love the permanent factors and not the impermanent. I’m not saying not to love the impermanent, but don’t rely on it. Then the love will last long. Loving the spirit is divine love. The Spirit is God; it is the image of God. So let all our love be based on the spirit, and not on the changing physical and mental side.

By Sri Swami Satchidananda

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]]> 11907 Q & A with Swami Satchidananda: How to Make Changes? https://integralyogamagazine.org/q-a-with-swami-satchidananda-how-to-make-changes/ Wed, 30 May 2018 02:48:48 +0000 http://iymagazine.wpengine.com/?p=10744 Question: How should we go about making specific changes in areas where we would like to improve? Swami Satchidananda: The most important change is to make sure you are in good company. One way to put yourself in the right company is by coming to a spiritual community. If you can’t do that, then surround […]

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]]> Question: How should we go about making specific changes in areas where we would like to improve?

Swami Satchidananda: The most important change is to make sure you are in good company. One way to put yourself in the right company is by coming to a spiritual community. If you can’t do that, then surround yourself with spiritual books. Then you are in spiritual company by the ideas they fill you with. You can also make your entire home into good company. The pictures you put around the home, the books that you read and the TV programs and movies that you watch should all bring good thoughts to you. That will take care of everything else. Shankaracharya, a saintly Indian philosopher, was asked, “How can I become a jivanmukta, a living liberated soul?” He said, “Go and have good company.”

By putting yourself in good company, the immediate benefit is that you are not in the wrong company. And because you are in good company, you are not deluded. And because you are not deluded, your mind becomes steady. And because the mind is steady and peaceful, you attain mukti, total liberation. That’s why we should always make sure we are in the right company; seeing the right things, hearing the right things, saying the right things and doing the right things.

You are all familiar with the three monkeys: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. That means that the more you see, or hear, or speak unhelpful thoughts, the more you are living with those. As you think, so you become. As the mind, so the individual. Good company is very important because it will lead the way to the final spiritual realization. Let us all have the eye to see the right things.

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]]> 10744 The Yoga of Relationships https://integralyogamagazine.org/the-yoga-of-relationships/ Fri, 06 Jul 2018 19:41:17 +0000 http://iymagazine.wpengine.com/?p=11345 Applying the teachings of Yoga to our relationships can be a potent way to learn and grow on the spiritual path. Yoga teaches us that there is a natural, unchanging peace within us all. When we experience that internal source of deep contentment, we also feel our interconnection with all of life and a natural […]

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]]> Applying the teachings of Yoga to our relationships can be a potent way to learn and grow on the spiritual path. Yoga teaches us that there is a natural, unchanging peace within us all. When we experience that internal source of deep contentment, we also feel our interconnection with all of life and a natural love and compassion for each other.

When we lose touch with that inner sense of fulfillment, we look outside, often to each other, as a source of happiness. At times, we all may discover that we are unconsciously depending on others to feel good about ourselves or to feel safe enough to open our hearts. Loving someone becomes contingent on feeling sure that she/he loves us. Swami Satchidananda would tease us about this form of love, calling it a business arrangement.

The love and support of others is not something we can control and count on to always be there. So the more we depend on what others think or feel, the more we set ourselves up for disappointment and suffering. Though we may have heard the teaching that nothing from outside ourselves can make us happy, we come face to face with that truth in our relationships.

Of course, we all enjoy the heart to heart connections we make with each other—deep friendship and intimate love are beautiful and powerful aspects of human life. What we must learn is to love without looking for something in return, experiencing the joy of giving love. When a parent loves their baby, they don’t expect anything—the experience of opening one’s heart fully to another is itself fulfilling. We are all learning, often from the pain of our unhealthy attachment to others, to love in this selfless way.

If we look deeply at ourselves, we may recognize that many of our interactions with each other are unconsciously based on protecting our self-image or winning the acceptance of others. We can practice having compassion for the ways that we all suffer from our attempts to arrange for happiness, reminding ourselves of the innate goodness within, like the light beneath a lampshade. We can also acknowledge the ways we may have hurt others when we’ve been preoccupied with our own safety and desires, and in this spirit of compassion, forgive ourselves for these mistakes.

About the Author:

Swami Ramananda is the president of the Integral Yoga Institute of San Francisco and a greatly respected master teacher in the Integral Yoga tradition, who has been practicing Yoga for more than 35 years. He offers practical methods for integrating the timeless teachings and practices of Yoga into daily life. He leads beginner, intermediate, and advanced-level Yoga Teacher Training programs in San Francisco and a variety of programs in many locations in the United States, Europe, and South America. Swami Ramananda trains Yoga teachers to carry Yoga into corporate, hospital, and medical settings and has taught mind/body wellness programs in many places. He is a founding board member of the Yoga Alliance, a national registry that supports and promotes Yoga teachers as professionals. 

 

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